(σχεδόν) 10 αγαπημένες ατάκες από τον Mitch Hedberg

Αγαπημένος αμερικανός stand-up comedian, με ιδιαίτερη έμφαση σε μια βαριεστημένη, σχεδόν μαστουρωμένη, αλλά ατακαδόρικη απόδοση των αστείων του, αλλά και διάσημος για τα παντελώς άσχετα θέματα με τα οποία καταπιανόταν (κυκλοφορούσαν έντονες φήμες ότι σε κάθε παράσταση ήταν υπό την επήρεια, και όχι μόνο χόρτου). Βρέθηκε νεκρός σε δωμάτιο ξενοδοχείου του Νιου Τζέρσευ, στις 29 Μαρτίου 2005 από καρδιά. Θυμήθηκα χθες, ενώ διάβαζα έναν από τους αγαπημένους μου αμερικανούς μουσικοκριτικούς, τον Chuck Klosterman του spin. Έγραφε λοιπόν ο Κλόστερμαν σε μια ανασκόπηση της τελευταίας δεκαετίας, ότι ενώ ο Μιτς πέθανε 37 χρονών, ο Τζίμυ Φάλον (ψιλοξενέρωτος αμερικανός κωμικός /ηθοποιός, μέλος του Saturday Night Live) θα ζήσει μέχρι να γίνει 110. Αυτό το σχόλιο προκάλεσε τεράστιες αντιδράσεις, αλλά ήταν και η αιτία να ξαναθυμηθώ τον Μιτς. Οι παρακάτω είναι μερικές από τις αγαπημένες μου ατάκες του.

(Sources: http://www.spin.com/, http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedberg)

(source: mitch hedberg's official website: : www.mitchhedberg.net/notes.html, photo by:Jason Squires)

1. You know when you go to a punk-rock concert and the kids get on stage and they jump into the crowd? People think that's dangerous, but not me... because humans are made of 95% water, so the audience is 5% away from a pool.

2. I was in a convenience store reading a magazine and the clerk came up to me and said, "This is not a library." So I said, "All right, I will talk louder then!"

3. I wear v-neck shirts, this is a v-neck I got on. My neck is so fragile man, I can't wear a regular neck shirt, it hurts. And I especially hate turtle necks. Wearing a turtle neck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Like if you wear a turtle neck and a backpack it's like a weak midget is trying to bring you down.

4. I'd like to take a toothpick and throw it into a forest and say, 'You're home.'

5. Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

6. I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would be really mad if she heard me say that.

7. I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

8. Swiss cheese is a rip-off! it is the only cheese you can bite and miss. "Hey Mitch - does that sandwich have cheese on it?" "Every now and then!" I got some swiss air on that bite…

9. Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out flyers. And when someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it's kinda like they're saying, "Here, YOU throw this away."

10. You shouldn't put stickers on a fruit. I know it has a smooth surface, but come on, fuck, leave it be. That's why I'm eating an apple, because it's a one hand operation. Sticker removal is a two hand operation. This hand said "Let me have a break" and I said "Sure, you can hang to the side. I will have an apple." And I'm eating the apple, "It's cool, hand, you're hanging. Oh shit, theres a sticker. Sorry dude, but you're back in action."

Encore Mitch, encore! :

• This shit is funny. Why are you guys not laughing? Well, actually, this is not funny shit. Funny shit would be if you took a shit, and it came out looking like...a sword.




• (After replugging in his microphone) I hate puzzles!




• Sometimes the hotel I stay at has a minibar. A minibar is a machine that makes everything expensive...
  
  p.s: r.i.p.Mitch :)